Jacob 3-4

(February 14, 2014)
Sometimes, when I read the scriptures, it feels as though my mind is opened wide and the scriptures are exactly what I wanted and needed to know.  I have been struggling with a pair of issues lately, and it has caused me a great deal of hurt and worry.  I had planned, after reading my scriptures today, to also read a couple of chapters that I knew where applicable to the subject.  I didn’t so much want advice on how to deal with things (I knew what I needed to do), but rather comfort for the hurt and strength to continue doing what I knew to be right.

Enter these two chapters.  Both of my two issues were dealt with directly in these chapters.  The topics were significantly different from Jacob’s topic, but the information and reasoning was right on point.  The first of these issues was dealt with in the first chapter – and I was not only given some comfort but also given understanding and instructions on what I needed to do.  The second issue was dealt with at great length in the second of these chapters.  This was a particular mercy, since the issue was very painful for me.  I felt my mind opened, and understanding flooded into me.  I knew, for a moment, what was going on and what was true.  I felt comfort and peace, and was once again given instructions on what I needed to do.

Then, as I came to the end of my reading, I found that my mind was closed.  I no longer remembered the understanding that I had only moments ago.  I returned to the text to find it, or find language that would trigger that understanding again.  It did not come.  But I was left both with the memory of the understanding, and the instructions that came with it.  The peace diminished but did not depart.

This is not the first time I have had experiences like this.  Once, in the temple, I had my mind open in a similar manner so that I understood the endowment.  Then, when the session ended, I remembered very little of what I had uncovered.  I was left, solely, with the memory that I had understood it.  I knew that I understood it, and that had to be enough for me.  Once again, this was accompanied by instruction.  I believe that this is the Spirit of the Lord speaking to me and telling me what I need to do.  I would love to maintain the understanding, but I cannot dispute that I had it for a moment.  And, I assume, there is no test if we proceed with a full understanding of what we do.

I know, thanks to my reading today, that there is an answer to the situation I find myself in, and that brings comfort (not immediate comfort, but the hope of comfort which is a comfort all its own).  I also know what I need to do next, and that brings a comfort that circumstances aren’t completely outside of my control.