A Testimony from My Journal

It seemed appropriate to include here something that I wrote in my journal, June 14, 2015:

            "Today was possibly the worst day of my life.  Today the truth lost.  Today dishonesty won.  For some time I held on to hope that the Lord would plead my cause, He would bring the truth to light, and I could finally put this horrible phase of my life behind me.

            That was not to be…

            Sometimes, I have learned, the miracle does not come.  Though Daniel was saved from the lions, many Christians died at the hands of lions in the Coliseum.  Though Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were saved from the fiery furnace, the righteous at the time of Alma and Amulek were not.  Sometimes the angel shows up to save us (as when Abraham and later Isaac were saved from sacrifice), and sometimes the angel does not.

             “If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.

            But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.” – Daniel 3:17-18

            Today I was not delivered.  But I have been blessed to be put into a situation where every earthly reason to hold on to this Church and my testimony has been stripped away.  I know that the Lord could have delivered me.  The Lord, for whatever reason, did not.

            Though He did not, it has put me in the position that I can testify – apart from any reason on Earth to hold to that testimony – of the truth of the Gospel.

            I know that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world.  I know that He died for my sins, and forgiveness and sanctification is available to all (myself and those who hurt me).  I know that the Priesthood of God is found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I know that, though they are imperfect, the Lord uses these men and honors and sustains their decisions.  I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, and that the truth of the Gospel can be found within its pages.  And I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, called to restore His Church to the world in these days.

            There is no reason to hold to this testimony save the fact that it is true.  In many ways, after today, it would be so much easier (and less painful) to swallow my testimony and abandon my faith.  But, like Peter, I am forced to acknowledge that there is no where else to go – this Church has the words of Eternal Life that are found nowhere else.

            Perhaps one day the truth will come out.  Perhaps one day the truth will win.  Perhaps that will not happen in my lifetime.  But regardless, I am here for the duration and I will stand by this Church to the best of my ability for as long as the Lord allows me and strengthens me with the capacity to do so.  And I will continue to call myself blessed for the opportunity."