(June 17, 2015)
I
certainly don’t pretend to compare my life to the martyrdoms of the early
Christian fathers, but I can understand in some little respect what it is like
to be carried where I do not want to go.
In many ways, the experience is agonizing beyond belief. But in other ways, it is such a blessing
because it cuts away absolutely everything else that serves to distract from
the relationship we each must have with the Savior.
I remember
an experience from my mission. My day
proselyting was unsuccessful, and I was riding the train back to the station
where we had locked up our bikes. My
companion and I, discouraged, were both a little bit grumpy and miserable. Then, when we arrived at the station, we saw
that someone had stripped down our bikes and stolen just about everything from
them. Nothing remained locked at the
station other than our frames and front wheels.
It was
like a spell had been broken – too much had gone wrong for any single thing to
be overwhelming any more. We laughed, we
joked, we carried our bikes for a while until a member saw us and gave us a
ride home. When then ordered pizza, and
when the delivery driver arrived we tried to give her a Book of Mormon. We went from trying to maintain something and
serve ourselves to not caring about ourselves and serving God.
In some
ways, this experience (though incredibly painful) is serving the same
purpose. I am able to let go of things
that I cared about – reputation, hope for the future, and so many other good
things that I cared deeply about. The
only thing that is left is my relationship with the Savior. And, of course, that will be enough (even if
it doesn’t feel like it all the time).
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