(November 6, 2014)
I had two thoughts reading through these chapters. The first was on the language asking why leap at high hills when we have the hill God desires to dwell in. I am not sure I necessarily understand exactly what the psalm is saying, but the message I took from it was asking why we desire to be in a position other than the one that we find ourselves in. The Lord took an extensive amount of time, effort, and service to bring us to where we are (often despite our best efforts to destroy ourselves along the way). And yet, despite being in the position we are in, we tend to desire to be elsewhere – I know, at the moment, I would trade where I am for another situation in a heartbeat.
Yet that just shows my lack of faith in God. Because if I truly had faith in Him – if I understood and trusted that He had a perfect Plan and that if I surrender to Him with my whole soul all will eventually work out for me – then I wouldn’t want to change the position I was in moment to moment. I could have goals and aspirations that I endeavor to reach, but I would likewise be content in the situation I find myself in based upon my trust that the Lord is in charge. To the extent I don’t feel that way (and my trust in the Lord goes up and down, sadly), I need to repent and rededicate myself to following Him
The other thought was on the difficulties that David was going through, and how similar our lives are in some ways (likening the scriptures are not hard for me in the Psalms). David spoke of being hated without cause, and yet recognizing that he was full of iniquity. This is a surprisingly difficult position to be in, as I have learned. On the one hand, when I am falsely accused I have the desire to leap to my own defense and disprove the allegations against me. On the other hand, I am well aware that while I haven’t committed the evil I am accused of I am still full of iniquity and my time defending myself would likely be better spent working out my own salvation with fear and trembling.
Even after all this time and experience dealing with false accusations, I don’t know that I really know the proper balance between defending myself from those who hate me without cause and my own iniquity. I have tried and am trying to let go of the hatred of others – you would think that if they hated me based upon an untrue accusation it would be easy to let it go, but I find it difficult – but I haven’t made it there yet. But my hope is that with time and Grace I will be able to, and I will learn the lessons the Lord is trying to teach me and become the person the Lord would have me be.