(June 6, 2015)
I realized, as I read these chapters, that I had great need to repent. Speaking words that were stout against the Lord, such as it being vain to serve God, were things that I found myself more and more tempted to say recently. In my life, I have been hurt by the actions of others as I tried to do the right thing while those around me did not reciprocate. They will damage me, and in protection of them and others, I have turned the other cheek. And this has only resulted in more damage, as their behavior is as destructive as it is relentless.
There have been countless times I have been tempted to say enough and to stop this madness. Fortunately the Lord has kept me from going down that path, but even in that I am not properly grateful to Him. In my heart, I have felt that it was vain to serve God and do the right thing – knowing that those who have abandoned that path have destroyed so many parts of my life.
But as I consider the state of things, I realize that I am so much better off than I would have been. It has not been vain to serve God. In fact, even as everything outward has been damaged, I have received so many blessings in my life. I see the hatred, anger, and evil that my accusers have allowed into their lives (and how it makes them so very unhappy – unhappiness they blame on me). And I see the happiness that I am blessed with – difficulty and pain, to be sure, but a genuine happiness and peace.
I need to repent of my thoughts, and my ingratitude to the Lord.