(June 6, 2015)
I
realized, as I read these chapters, that I had great need to repent. Speaking words that were stout against the
Lord, such as it being vain to serve God, were things that I found myself more
and more tempted to say recently. In my
life, I have been hurt by the actions of others as I tried to do the right
thing while those around me did not reciprocate. They will damage me, and in protection of
them and others, I have turned the other cheek.
And this has only resulted in more damage, as their behavior is as
destructive as it is relentless.
There
have been countless times I have been tempted to say enough and to stop this
madness. Fortunately the Lord has kept
me from going down that path, but even in that I am not properly grateful to
Him. In my heart, I have felt that it
was vain to serve God and do the right thing – knowing that those who have
abandoned that path have destroyed so many parts of my life.
But as
I consider the state of things, I realize that I am so much better off than I would
have been. It has not been vain to serve
God. In fact, even as everything outward
has been damaged, I have received so many blessings in my life. I see the hatred, anger, and evil that my
accusers have allowed into their lives (and how it makes them so very unhappy –
unhappiness they blame on me). And I see
the happiness that I am blessed with – difficulty and pain, to be sure, but a
genuine happiness and peace.
I need
to repent of my thoughts, and my ingratitude to the Lord.
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