(May 7, 2015)
I have frequently thought of the events of this chapter – Christ stilling the storm – as I have struggled through these past several years and tried to deal with the feelings of hurt and betrayal. But this time, my mind focused on Christ’s counsel at the end. Though the storm was fierce, Christ still chastened the disciples for being afraid. “Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?”
My life, particularly this week, has been dominated by fear. I look at my circumstances and the things which have been taken completely outside of my control (and for reasons that, to my mind, are terribly unfair). I have called out more than once for the Lord to still the storm – I have wondered aloud in prayer ‘Master, carest thou not that I perish?’
I know that Christ can still even this great storm that beats on me with nothing more than a word. Yet He remains silent. Do I have the faith it will take to accept that silence? Why am I so fearful, if I know that God has a perfect Plan? I struggle – admittedly I have struggled more this week than any time I can remember – and I am terrified by what the future holds. I suppose that this is nothing more than evidence of my lack of faith, which I need to repent of.